healing – The Balanced Equation

Christmas Eve Morning: A Sacred Stillness

It’s Christmas Eve morning. Like most mornings, I wake to the soft dawn light. It streams through the open shutters of my bedroom overlooking the Blue Mountains. Today’s light feels particularly radiant, bathing the room in a golden glow and promising the start of a beautiful day. The sun rises with its unhurried elegance, and I find myself drawn to my yoga mat, grounding myself in meditation. I savor the stillness of this sacred moment, letting the peace wash over me.

Unusually, my peace is interrupted by a phone call. It’s my partner, 60 kilometers away, gently reminding me that he’s patiently waiting for my arrival later today. Christmas treats are packed, and together we’ll prepare our lunch for tomorrow. His kind voice carries a reassurance that surprises me. I feel truly at peace. This happens even in this quieter, more solitary lead-up to Christmas.

Christmas has always been a complex time since my divorce. With my boys no longer at home, it has often felt tinged with loneliness. In past years, I buried those feelings in busyness. I cooked meals for my parents and took them to their home. I visited my sister, brother, and aunt, all in separate places. The constant flurry of activity left little time to sit with my emotions.

This year has been different. I’ve intentionally allowed myself to feel the emotions for the first time. I’ve processed the emotions that surfaced in the weeks leading up to today. Instead of pushing them aside, I’ve worked through them, piece by piece. And now, as Christmas approaches, I’ve reached a quiet acceptance: everything is exactly as it is meant to be. There’s peace in letting go of the past and embracing the moment, just as it is.

2024: A Year of Challenge and Growth

2024 was a challenging year—there’s no doubt about that. But as the months rolled on, I discovered something remarkable: I’ve gotten better at navigating life’s inevitable ups and downs. Yes, some moments tested me. There were tears, big emotions, and times when life threw its curveballs. But I’ve learned not to let those moments keep me down for long.

I’ve started embracing emotion for what it truly is—e(motion)—energy in motion. It’s meant to move through us, not get stuck. Brene Brown’s analogy that emotions are like trains traveling through a tunnel resonates deeply with me. Solitude is the gift that lets me sit with my emotions. I can feel them fully. Then, I let them pass through that tunnel. And here’s the beautiful part: as I practice this, I notice the process gets quicker. How powerful is that? I realise I can shift my emotional state. I do this not by suppressing it but by feeling it. I release it and embrace the growth it brings. Honestly, it feels like I’m developing a superpower.

So, what’s changed? A big part is the sacred, joyful collection of rituals and practices I’ve created for myself. They’re small things—simple and ordinary—but they bring me immense joy. It is a morning meditation. It’s a walk in the mountains. It is lighting a candle at the end of the day, or at the beginning of a yoga practice. These practices honour my own needs. They keep me grounded. They’re the foundation. They allow me to show up for others in a true way. I do this without losing myself in the process. Most of the time, anyway. Let’s call it progress, not perfection. 😉

Closing One Chapter to Open Another

Five years after my divorce, I finally feel ready to let go of something I’ve held onto tightly: my home. Yesterday, I signed the contract with the agent. I spent so much time toying with the idea of selling. I often wondered what life might look like beyond these walls. Suddenly, it felt right. The decision didn’t come overnight—it’s been a slow, deliberate process. I’ve entertained the idea. I have contemplated it in my mind and heart. I tried it on for size in countless ways. But now, I feel ready to close this chapter and start anew.

As Rumi so beautifully says:

“This is love: to fly toward a secret sky, to cause a hundred veils to fall each moment. First to let go of life. Finally, to take a step without feet.”

That’s exactly where I find myself. I have no clear picture of what 2025 will bring. I know that I’ll no longer be tied to the identity this home has attached to me. It defined me as mother, wife, suburbanite, and host. It’s time to redefine myself without the labels this space has so lovingly carried for me. It’s a leap into the unknown, but for the first time, it feels exhilarating rather than daunting.

Looking Ahead to 2025

Anticipation and Gratitude: Embracing What’s Next

I am flying to India in January, and with each passing day, the anticipation builds. People tell me such a journey can be life-changing. But here’s the thing: when you live fully in the moment, every moment is life-changing. There are no expectations, no regrets—just the now. How freeing is that?

Perhaps when I return, a new home will have found its way to me. Perhaps it will take longer. Who knows? All I know is this: I’m embracing the unknown for what feels like the first time in my 55 years. As I write this, if I’m honest, I remember this feeling from childhood. I’m embracing it with a sense of wonder. It’s that same exhilaration I felt as a little girl when I discovered the tree outside my bedroom window and begged my mum for a spoonful of Vegemite to fuel my climb. That pure, unfiltered anticipation is what I’m feeling now as I look ahead to 2025.

The thought excites me. It’s a blank canvas. It’s an opportunity to create a space that reflects who I am now. It does not reflect who I’ve been. The Blue Mountains will stay my sanctuary. My future identity will be lighter and freer. It will be untethered from the stories of the past.

Gratitude for the Chapter That’s Closing

This Christmas, I am preparing to leave the home that has held so much of my story. I’m overwhelmed with gratitude. I’m grateful for the years I’ve spent here. I appreciate the growth it has nurtured. I admire, in myself, the courage it has taken to finally step into what’s next. This home has been a place of love, resilience, and transformation, and now it’s time to carry those lessons forward.

If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s this: the joy we cultivate within ourselves radiates outward. It helps us show up, serve, and live fully—without losing sight of who we truly are. That joy is my anchor as I move into this next chapter.

Carrying Peace Into the Holidays

As the day unfolds, I’ll pack up the Christmas goodies and head to my partner’s place. But I won’t just be carrying treats—I’ll be bringing the joy and peace that have taken root in my heart. This Christmas feels different, lighter. It’s a season of transition, a celebration of what’s been and what’s to come. Wherever this journey takes me, I’m ready to greet it with open arms and a heart full of gratitude. Wherever you are today, I hope you’re finding your own moments of stillness. I wish that you experience joy and maybe even a little courage to take a step without feet. Wishing you a Christmas filled with light and love. 🎄✨

Don’t you just love those moments when you think you’ve got life figured out, and then—bam—the universe sends a gentle (or not-so-gentle) reminder that there’s always more work to do? Yesterday was one of those moments for me. After what felt like a very long week, I visited my beautiful teacher. I’d gotten caught up in my own thoughts and tasks, letting the noise of the week, work, and the infamous “cactus incident” dominate my focus. My teacher saw it immediately, calling me out on my lack of presence. She said she felt anger in me. I was resentful, but I hadn’t been aware of the proximity of my feelings of anger. Astounded, I knew she was right.

Walking afterward, I tried to understand why this anger had suddenly bubbled up. I reflected on why I was so frustrated and found myself feeling resentment toward people in my life who, for one reason or another, seemed unwilling to take charge of their own healing. But rather than let this anger control me, I decided to take a creative approach to transform it. The ritual I created made me feel so empowered that I wanted to share it with you, in case you’re also feeling the weight of emotions you’d rather not carry.

The Ritual: Pouring Out Anger, Pouring In Love

This ritual is a simple way to shift anger, fear, or frustration into love, hope, and gratitude. Simon Haas explains in The Book of Dharma that it’s essential to treat the here and now—the “field of now”—as a sacred place. When we take care of our inner world, we create the space to nurture our highest self.

The idea is to transform what feels negative into something nourishing, like turning air into water in a jug. Or, if you prefer, you can expel the air (negative emotions) by replacing it with water (love). Here’s how I did it:

Set Up a Sacred Space
Find a quiet place where you won’t be disturbed. Gather a jug (or any vessel that feels significant), a candle, and a glass of water. The jug represents your heart—where all emotions reside. Lighting the candle is important, spiritually fire often represents transformation, purification and rebirth.
Pour Out the Anger
As you hold the jug, take a deep breath and begin verbalizing everything you’re feeling. Let it all out, there’s no one to hear or judge—your frustrations, disappointments, fears, resentments. Let your words flow into the jug, as though you’re physically pouring the anger out of you. Imagine that every emotion, every word, is leaving you and settling into the jug.
Pour In Love, Hope, and Gratitude
Take your prepared water and begin to pour it into the jug slowly. As you do, focus on feelings of love, hope, and gratitude. Imagine each drop of water washing away the negative emotions, replacing them with compassion, peace, and joy. Just as a swan is said to be able to extract milk from water, we, too, can learn to separate the good from the unwanted. By pouring in these positive feelings, we’re consciously choosing to let go of anger and welcome in love instead.
Reflect on Your Intention
Once the jug is filled, take a moment to focus on the peacefulness you feel. Commit to nurturing your inner world with the same care and intention, understanding that what we choose to focus on will come to pass.

The Power of Transforming Your Inner World

In The Book of Dharma, Simon Haas explains that protecting our inner world requires us to recognise when disabling forces, like anger and fear, are present. He outlines three stages of conscious creation, each representing a different level of awareness and ability:

Stage One: We recognise negative forces only after they’ve caused damage. In hindsight, we can see how fear or anger led to rash choices we later regretted. This stage teaches us to see the impact of negativity on our lives, even if only after the fact.
Stage Two: We become aware of negativity as it enters, without letting it control us. At this level, we’re wise enough to pause and avoid decisions while we’re compromised by negative emotions. This is where we begin noticing our feelings as signals, guiding us to protect our inner world before harm is done.
Stage Three: We recognise negative forces as they begin to form and are able to transform them into something positive. In this stage, we can replace anger and fear with love, hope, and gratitude. It’s here that conscious creation comes alive because we’re not just reacting—we’re actively cultivating the emotions we want to experience.

Just as filling a jug with water replaces the air within, filling our hearts with positive emotions like love, hope, and gratitude leaves no room for anger or fear.

My Journey of Transformation: From Anger to Peace

After leaving my teacher, I was surprised to find how deeply this anger ran. I’d spent so much time tending to my responsibilities and others’ needs that I’d let frustration fester. Walking later, I listened to The Book of Dharma, and it felt like Haas was speaking directly to me. I realized that I had failed to recognise the disabling force of anger creeping into my world. But thanks to my teacher’s insight, I could now see it clearly—and I was ready to transform it.

This ritual of pouring out the anger and filling the jug with gratitude, love, and hope felt like a powerful act of self-care. It reminded me that while I can’t control everything around me, I can choose how to respond. By shifting my focus to the good, I felt my perspective expand and my heart feel lighter.

Moving Forward With Love

This ritual is one I’ll turn to whenever I feel negative emotions trying to take over. The lesson here is that while we can’t always prevent anger, fear, or frustration from arising, we can choose how to respond. By treating our minds and hearts as sacred places, we allow love, hope, and gratitude to replace the things we don’t need to carry.

If you find yourself overwhelmed by emotions that feel too big to hold, try this ritual. Let it be a reminder that you have the power to create a peaceful inner world, one drop at a time. May we all keep finding ways to transform our lives, turning anger into love, fear into hope, and challenges into lessons.

Tag: healing

Finding Peace This Christmas: A Journey of Growth