It’s been a long time between posts.
And not the kind of “life got busy” pause — but the kind of full-body halt that comes when life flips your world upside down and knocks the breath clean out of you.
A Dream Realised… Briefly
At the start of 2025, I finally did it — I boarded a flight to India for a long-awaited adventure with Camel Treks Australia. It had been years in the making. I was craving wide skies, desert stillness, shared stories, and soul-deep restoration.
For a while, it was all that and more.
But life doesn’t always follow the plan.
A Message at 4am
I had barely touched back down on Australian soil when everything changed.
Jet-lagged, disoriented, and still holding the scent of incense and dust, I checked my phone at 4am. A message was waiting from my partner of 2.5 years — a man I love deeply, who knows me in both stillness and storm. The message simply read:
“Are you awake?”
Something in me braced. My reply was quick.
His answer came faster — and chilled me to my core:
“I’ll be with you whatever happens. But there’s been an accident. I’ve heard something’s happened — you need to call the police and find out what hospital they’ve been taken to.”
My heart dropped.
The Unfolding
My son and my ex-husband — my life partner for 30 years and the father of my children — had been in a horrific car accident. Both were critically injured. Both were fighting for their lives.
What followed was a surreal blur: hospitals, emergency teams, burns units, and the heavy silence that fills the space between questions no one can answer.
Within a fortnight, my ex-husband succumbed to his injuries and passed away on my 55th birthday.
The complexity of that grief is hard to name. This was someone I once loved, built a life with, raised children with. Our paths had long diverged, but the roots ran deep. His death marked the end of an era I hadn’t realised was still quietly shaping me.
Holding Death in Both Hands
I’ve been here before — near death’s edge. I’ve walked alongside it during illness, felt its breath on my neck through my own near-death experiences, and sat vigil with loved ones as they crossed over.
Death, to me, has never been a stranger. It is a powerful, mysterious teacher — one that strips away the unnecessary and leaves only what matters.
But this time… it asked more of me. It pulled at my roles as mother, as former wife, as woman, as witness — and forced me to sit with all the tangled pieces.
The In-Between
In the weeks and months that followed, I stepped back. From the blog. From work. From almost everything.
I poured my energy into being there for my son, into finding a path forward, into grieving with honesty and gentleness. I went quiet — not because I had nothing to say, but because there were no words wide enough to hold it all.
And Now
I’m not who I was at the beginning of this year.
Something in me has softened. Other parts have sharpened. I feel more grounded, more awake, more certain of what really matters.
This isn’t a return to blogging as usual. It’s a continuation — from where I now stand, in the middle of the mess and the meaning, still choosing to tell the truth, still choosing to grow.
Thank you for your patience, your presence, and for being part of this space — one that holds not just the light, but also the shadow, the mystery, and the unexpected turns that come with living a fully human life.
More soon — from the heart.
The Balanced Equation 